2019 Exit Interview: Joseph-Albert Kuuire

Streams of consciousness….

If you could describe 2019, what word would you use?

In the first half, I would say it was a bit stressful. The second half was a bit better.

Would you like to elaborate?

The first half of the year felt heavy for some reason. I had a lot of things to catch up on. I can’t lie. I felt lost at times. One thing I didn’t like was the fact that I didn’t feel in control.

But in the second half of the year, I was able to relax, take a break and kind of explore more.

Any lessons you learnt from 2019?

It’s the same lesson from the last few years. It’s that “No one is coming to save you.” It’s just one of those realisations that in life, you’re in it for yourself. Don’t expect handouts. When you’re drowning, don’t expect anyone to come and save you. You just have to be prepared and self-reliant.

Otherwise, you’re just going to end up disappointed.

What do you think that?

Because I think it’s true. I’m not falling for the fake love people like to put online. Words are words. It’s the action that most important. I’ve seen people say a lot of “words” but they never follow up with action.

People like to throw the word “friend” out a lot but they don’t even know that their friends are going through the worst shit.

That’s not a friend if they don’t come through for you.

Any interesting things to come out this year for you?

Well, aside from the fact that I finally took a work break and traveled to another country….I think it’s that I went for more therapy sessions this year.

I think it just got to the point where I couldn’t think my way out of my problems and I need an external person to help me parse some stuff.

Did it help in any way?

Yes, it did. It made me realize that I care too much. And that I keep lowering myself to try and fit in with the others. But I’m not like the others. I stand out too much. I’m too cerebral. The things people like, I feel like I’m so past all that.

But I think I realised that I still have some demons I need to exorcise. I want to reach to people close to me and tell them…but… I don’t think I’m ready to share.

It’s a bit selfish…but maybe I’ll do that more next year.

Anything else you discovered this year?

Yeah. I think people are more full of shit that I thought (laughs). You should see the stuff people write online.

I’m sorry but words on a screen mean nothing to me. It’s easy to type a bunch of words on screen and act like you’re saving the world. But if you’re words aren’t matching what you do in real life, it’s such a waste of time.

(sighs) I think I’ve gotten more cynical this year. I’m still optimistic and hopeful about a lot of things but….it’s not as much when I returned home.

Going into 2020, what are you most looking forward to?

Honesty? Nothing. I just take whatever comes. Once in awhile, an idea comes along and I execute and move on to the next thing.

There were some days this year when I just didn’t want to wake up. There were good days and bad days. But sometimes it just feels like it’s more like bad weeks and good days.

I don’t know if that makes sense.

Hopefully, in 2020, I can figure out more stuff. I’m just tired all the time. That needs to change….

Anything else you want to add?

Yeah. Do you know where I can get some antidepressants? Just asking….