Regression To The Mean

I’m writing this sitting in a hotel room away from the city, somewhere along the coast. I’m here by myself with nothing but my thoughts and a lot of thinking to do.

I’ve been in a bad place for the past two months. Anxiety and doubt have started affecting almost everything I do. From trying to design user interface concepts to finishing a writing project, it’s been hard to get things done and this has started to affect my confidence.

It has started to get to a point where if I’m making a decision, I feel the need to get external feedback or I can’t go forward with it. That’s unlike me.

Last week, I had to talk with my therapist about what I’m going through. It was during this session that I realized that I had regressed back to a place I had struggling to get out of.

So, this weekend, I planned to get out of the city and be with my thoughts. So I got here on Saturday and I spent 2 hours staring into the distance……

“So where do we go from here?”

One thing that I’ve started to realize is that I’ve forgotten how to relax. Being in the moment and not trying to get stuff done is one of the hardest things I’ve struggling to cope with.

But talking to your therapist always helps with getting perspective. Self-worth was something that came up. I keep forgetting that I “deserve better” or that I need to be more “selfish” with things that I want. I can’t keep hoping that people around me do the “right thing” for my benefit. I can’t keep hoping things will change for the better.

So the question is, “where do we go from here”?

As someone who is a notorious planner, there are times that I need to throw away the well-laid plans and just do what “feels” right.

Regression is not permanent. It just means I have to start climbing again and get to that place where I was a couple of years ago.

That’s why I’m even writing this. Writing is something I’ve gotten away from. So when I hit “Publish” on it, it will kind of the first step in getting back to what I used to be.

Fingers crossed.