Where Shall We Begin?

Dear diary….

Burnout? Fatigue?

I feel like I’ve been here before.

I’ve been working a lot over the last few months. One of my toxic traits is that I feel the need to be as consistent as possible to maintain a certain “quality” even though it’s detrimental to my health.

Fortunately, it’s not as bad as you think. It used to be worse. So I guess we can call that progress. (Yeah, let’s call it progress)

We’re officially at the end of May and we’re entering the 6th month of the year. Congrats everyone. We made it.

So What Have I Been Up To?

Going crazy apparently.

Well, actually, that’s not true. I’ve been kicking ass. And getting burnt out. I’ve been having “doubts” and apprehensions when it comes to human contact.

I don’t know what people’s motives are and I’m hesitant to open up and trust people as I used to. It feels like my defenses are coming up to the point where I would rather just be alone than question why certain people are in my space.

But apart from that mental conundrum, I’ve been working on a couple of other things.

Building A Tech News Website

In April, I celebrated 5 years of writing and building my tech news website called Tech Nova. It’s been a long 5 years. I’ve had periods where I’ve wanted to quit and shut it down and periods where I think the website is the greatest thing in the world.

Podcasting

I’ve been recording a lot of podcasts. I just wrapped up the 3rd season of a pop culture podcast called “PodTakes”. It’s 22 episodes a season. So if you’re good at math, we just completed out 66th episode. (Brings out the champagne 🍾)

Working on my 9–5

Yes, I also work a regular job as a UX Designer. Internally, we just completed work on a project which I think will be a game changer for the industry my company works in. So that’s great.

Crisis Of Confidence?

You ever feel like you’re kicking ass but it doesn’t feel like its enough?

I’ll be honest: I think I’m one of best tech writers (Actually, I’m the best!) in Ghana. Unfortunately I don’t feel like I get the respect. Maybe it’s because my network is not as extensive as it should or maybe I don’t do it for the prestige or the spotlight.

I mean, I should have gotten enough credit by now. Right? Or maybe I’m not as loud as I should be with what I do.

So why doesn’t it feel like it’s enough?

Nothing Really Matters And We’re Only Here For A Moment

I recently just watched the movie called “Everything Everywhere At Once”.

I was blown away. I watched it twice.

I cried. Twice.

During the lockdown in the pandemic era, it felt most people were finally understanding that not everything is fragile and that we shouldn’t waste opportunities we have with our loved ones.

I was hoping that the pandemic would have thought a valuable lesson that time is fleeting. I was hoping (praying!) that when we came out of this, we could be more open to each other, a little more empathetic and a little more kinder.

I was wrong. We’re still the same. We were like a rubber band that was stretched but as soon as vaccines came out and the world opened up, we just came back to how we started.

Maybe I’m too much of an optimist. Trying to be hopeful. Knowing that people can be complex and we shouldn’t judging especially when we just see their social network feeds.

It is what it is? Yeah. Maybe so.

But I can’t save the world. I can’t change much. I can only do my part and hope that when I finally depart this world…..

I don’t know how to finish that sentence.

I’m bad with endings. I just kind of want to just sleep for a bit.

Dear Diary, they keep telling me it gets better.

But I don’t believe them.